macho sucks

Alright Jack I got another one (i.e. three) for you.

Last night we opened Saw II, a second in the Saw series (although for those of you that are interested, it was written by a graduate of Grinnell College that had never seen Saw. Someone bought his story, adapted it to fit the Saw story line and shazaam instant sequel. One other bit of Saw trivia for ya: the actor who plays the kidnapper in the first Saw is from Grinnell and I met his parents the other night. Apparently he also has a role in Zorro and they came out to see it). For those of you that don’t already know I dread playing “R” rated movies because most of my night is spent listening to 27 identical stories about how they accidentally dropped their id into the Grand Canyon last week and although an amazing updraft almost brought it back into their reach a pterodactyl swooped down and ate it thinking that it was a prehistoric moth. Tragic. Actually if I ever heard a decent variation of “Oh I don’t have it with me” I just might let them in based on creativity alone.

The four o’clock shows went without a hitch. We sold about 5 tickets to the movie. In fact the gap between the two shows went fairly smoothly as well, except for the story of near death which we will cover soon. So now we are sitting just before the 7 o’clock movie starts. I have heard about 9 variations of “I didn’t bring my id” and about 6 pleas about why they should be allowed an exception to the rule. I have a line of about 20 people mostly families and kids for Chicken Little and Dreamer, but a few scattered teens clearly here for Saw II. A guy walks up to the counter with two young girls, one on either side of him. I am guessing him to be around 24 and the girls to be between 15 and 17. He asks for 3 tickets and I ask for their ids. Neither one of the girls has their id but he assures me that they are both 17. I press him on it telling him that I have to see the ids or no tickets. Then he comes out with a story about how the girl on his right is his sister and he is her legal guardian and therefore she doesn’t need her id. He tells me that their parents died while back and the courts appointed him her legal guardian. While unlikely, I tell him ok but still insist on seeing the other girl’s id. She breaks into a story, but before she gets too far he holds up his hand to silence her, gives me a smug look, and says “she’s ok I’ll vouch for her.” At this point I am growing tired of them and the people behind them in line are craning their necks to see what is going on. When he realizes that that excuse still doesn’t fly, just like it didn’t when he used it 2 minutes before that, he slips his hand into his pocket and slides a bright and shiny

across the counter. Sporting an even smugger face he cocks his head a little and assures me that that would be mine if I just helped him out this once. I decided that that was enough and told him firmly that they were to leave. At this point he leans slightly over the counter and asks “who are you talking to!?” I respond, possibly a little too quickly, “I am talking to you.” In an instant his face changes and I am suddenly sure that I am going to get hit in the face. Poor Joey and Susie, in line behind him, just came for their Chicken Little tickets and they are going to be scared for life. And while I know that Joey and Adam have my back they wont be able to get here quick enough to stop the first and fatal blow. Thankfully, instead of pulling a John Cossack from High Fidelity, he simply turns and leaves with his underage floosies in tow. They stew just outside the front door for a while, throwing me dirty looks, but end up leaving without giving me any more trouble.